I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
