Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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