So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
