i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
