i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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