Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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