dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
