Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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