Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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