Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
