6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
