I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
