They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
