I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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