EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
