Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize