btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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