just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
