So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
