I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
