She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
