franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
