Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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