you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
