put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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