so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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