So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
