So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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