Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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