Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
