Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
