I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
