waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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