I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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