I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
