I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
