So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
