Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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