actually, I'm a sock model
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
