LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize