I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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