So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
