my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
