he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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