I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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