Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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