My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just want nice things and good sex
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
