I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
