omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
