Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize