Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
