evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
