My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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