I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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