dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So squirting runs in the family.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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