C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
