JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
