I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize