'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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