Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
