I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
