I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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