My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
