I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
