Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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