I threw up into my coffee this morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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