The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
